How do I love me? Let me count the ways.

Once you have embraced your feelings and learned your lessons, you can forgive them and let them go.  Let the bump in the road go.  Let the need to control go!  You have begun your journey inward to self awareness and self love.  And, that is the intension of the Universe, that you be happy, joyous and free, that you fill yourself with so much love and kindness that it overflows to everything you do, to everyone you touch, that you become love.

How do I do that?  Loving words and loving deeds.  Become your best friend instead of your most critical judge.  Raise yourself up with love and support.  Since you probably have a forty year (taking an average of us) habit of self loathing (too severe, perhaps self contempt) and self abuse, you will probably need to set up a schedule of gifts to bring them into your day.

A morning ritual of self care, a mindful shower, teeth brushing and as you put facial cream on your face, you say, "I love you lips, I love you nose, I love you cheeks, I love you eyes, I love you eyebrows, I love you forehead, I love you chin, I love you throat, I love you ears.  You could continue with a shoulder and neck massage.  Then look deeply into your beautiful eyes, past any gray hair or wrinkles or blemishes and after a time, a smile will come to your face and you will see your spirit looking back at you and you will hear her voice in words of love and you will know that you are not alone.

 Morning meditation begins your day in spiritual connection, allowing the focus on the breathe to take you down to that quiet place of infinite wisdom and compassion that is your spirit, that is of the spirit of the Universe that flows through you.  Include a moment to sit with a bump, feel the feeling, be reminded of the lesson, your truth, your beauty.

Morning body movement and stretch is important to affirm, love and support every part of your beautiful body.  Take this time to envision your strengthening and healing.

Noontime meditation provides the opportunity to apply the brakes on runaway emotions which control us in provoking us into trying to control them.  Don't let the bumps turn you into a bitter angry woman.  Remember, you are love, incarnate!  Note with a smile whatever bump you're obsessing on, return to the breathe, open you eyes and give yourself a hug. Redirect inward with love for yourself.  No more energy for controlling bumps,  all your energy goes to gifting yourself.

An after dinner hour to gift yourself.  I ask my patients to create a list of activities that bring them joy or a sense of satisfaction: a walk in nature, brushing your dog, knitting,a french class, playing the guitar, cleaning a drawer.  Only you can make the list. Only you know what you love.  Put the list on the refrigerator or set up a schedule for the week  And, as you do this gift, you say, "This gift is for you because I love you."

How do I love me?  You need to ask every moment of the day, "What do I want to do?" not, "What do I need to do." "What would taste good? sound good?"  "What would be challenging, interesting, fun" Listen for the answer, hear the answer, respect the answer and make it happen, now or little by little, each day.  It's not what you do. It's how you do it.

Secondly, let us support ourselves in mistake.  No more blame and shame. In our humanness, mistakes are how we grow.  They are opportunities to learn.  So, go make some.  Amends, consequences, then, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, change direction (because we learned) and carry on!  Memorize this, "I believe in you.  I know you can do this.  I've got your back.  You're ma girl!"

Thirdly, if once you've asked the question, and you  know what you want and there is a conflict with someone else, it's okay.  No more pleasing, no more bullying, manipulating!  Listen to yourself.  Express your needs directly, honestly, with compassion.  It's the I sentences and open ended questions until you can come up with a solution you can both live with.  Remember it's a work in progress, repeatedly checking in, tweaking, making sure everyone is okay.  You are love.  The point is, you have already decided that you want relationship with this person.  Relationship implies you want to be with this person.  We do not enter dialogue to control them but to share with them.

You are love.