Process the feelings, learn the lessons
We don't feel comfortable with our negative emotions. They can easily overwhelm us. First of all, we are raised to think that successful people are always happy and surely we would not want to admit, even to ourselves, our failure. But, secondly, we were actively discouraged from feeling them. We were punished when we got angry, "Good girls don't get angry." We were shamed when we were afraid, "Scaredy Cat!" We were prevented from being sad, "Don't cry, it's okay." It's important to know that those negative feelings don't go away. If in our denial, we throw them back into our knapsack, the knapsack just gets heavier and heavier until it pulls us down.
We are brought up to believe that we alone control our destiny. That the measure of our worth is our ability to create our place and power in the universe. We spend our whole life up in our obsessive mind, the problem solver, which sees all of life as a problem, driven by negativity trying to control ourself and everyone and everything around us. This is what we call stress. This is the source of our anger and anxiety. If we don't feel comfortable holding that emotion we often transform it through our neuro/endocrine and immune systems into physical symptoms, chronic illness, which may be more acceptable to us. Or, we may deny the emotion by developing compulsive behaviors, which might have begun innocently as a comfort tool but with overuse, soon we are not comfortable unless we are doing those behaviors (think workaholic) And, if we can't control our situation, we become sad, depressed. This is part of the spectrum of mental illness we all experience: anxiety, somatic stress-related illness (all chronic illness), compulsive disorder, depression. It's all about trying to control, driven by negative emotion.
So let's try something revolutionary: let's embrace our negative emotions. They are after all our best teachers. They were never intended to overwhelm us. But, then, we were never taught how to process them and learn from them. Here goes. They are four versions of NO that can affect you. Fear is normal when you anticipate NO happening. Anger is normal when someone actually says NO to you and you resist. Sadness is normal when you realize the loss that NO brought. Shame and guilt are normal when we direct that NO inward toward ourselves. I say they are normal because we as humans have a capacity for them.
So here's what you do. When you get to that quiet place In your morning meditation, (and only in the quiet, not up in problem solver mind) allow the bump in the road to come into your awareness, the sight , sound, and feel of it. Allow the combination of fear, anger, sad, guilt or shame to come up. But this time, give it a hug. Feel it. Put it on your lap and perhaps visualize that little child you once were who felt that same emotion and share it with her. You might say, "Hello fear. I can be with you. I'm ready. Please teach me your lesson. And, it will come to you from the infinite wisdom and compassion found in the quiet. It is always the opposite. Fear teaches trust. Trust yourself. Trust the power of the Universe that flows through you. You are not alone. Everything is as it should be. Fear is forgetting that.
The lesson of anger is Yes to you! You were put on this earth for purpose, given huge gifts for a reason. The bump in the road is not important. You are important. You don't need to do anything or be anything. You already are. You are the flower. The question you need to ask every day is, "What do I want?" and make that happen!
The lesson of sadness is the beauty and abundance of the universe. Do not allow any bump to obscure your view of the beauty and abundance. Whatever you have lost will be returned to you, perhaps similar, perhaps different. When a door closes, it is because there is another door that will open with something much better behind it. Your dreams and desires have been given to you for a purpose. Affirm them. Put them out there in wondrous anticipation knowing they will be, then come down to this moment in contentment and gratitude for where you are today.
The lesson of guilt (for what you've done) or shame (in who you are) is unconditional acceptance. "I accept myself, just as I am. I love every cell in my body, and wait til you see me tomorrow!" It is what it is. There is good in all bad. It takes the dark to see the light. There is a lesson in every bump in the road.
Judgement is a human invention. It is the source of human suffering. The universe is the flow of unconditional love. And, what is love other than YES to you, to everyone. Mistakes are opportunities to learn. Go make some. You may need to make amends, pay consequence; but then, pick yourself up, brush yourself off, change direction (because we learned a lesson) and carry on. "I believe in you!" That's what you say.
What beautiful lessons. They don't teach how to control bumps. They teach about your truth and your beauty. You need to learn these lessons. What is very interesting is that as we practice processing our feelings and repeating the lessons, we actually start saying YES to ourselves, making healthy choices that leads to less bumps happening and when we do have a bump, it doesn't knock us over any more because we've learned to look for the lesson.